We need excitement while barricaded inside. Can our team do something crazy? Trade players for picks, then for others players until nobody remembers where they should select. But patience might remain a virtue for the Buffalo Bills even as restlessness rises.
Those looking forward to both the outdoors and decent football should be fine without sliding back into the first round, even if a quick thrill would break the monotony of conversations with the refrigerator. It hasn’t said anything interesting in days.
The Bills say they won’t, which means they might. Brandon Beane’s claim they’re satisfied without having a first-round choice is like believing Xi Jinping while playing poker. But lying about keeping options open differs from actually redeeming them.
I’m truthful about not wanting to hear the truth. Fans want a general manager lying as if it’s a playoff tiebreaker. If he tells his children he loves them, then they should be suspicious.
Buffalo already sent their primary choice away. But they got the player they wanted. Give Stefon Diggs a draft hat if that makes it feel like they did something productive. Meanwhile, Cleveland will have to wait three years to overcome whatever seemed like a good idea after drinking all those wobbly seltzers.
Engineering a return into the first round has to be worth the fiddling. Hold off for the same reason to wait for a new iPhone instead of lining up for one, namely that slightly better resolution isn’t worth missing a housing payment.
Still, only someone just learning about how the Bills are presently run would put such maneuvering past Beane. It’s almost unnerving to have someone act decisively without boasting.
Present Bills staffers don’t seem like the types who’d swap for the sake of attention or boredom. We’re about to see which general managers let boredom affect their plans at a quarantined draft.
Endless unstructured time ideally spurs creativity. The last time a Buffalo sports team was stuck at the hometown office, they added Taro Tsujimoto. It wouldn’t be quite as confusing for other teams if the Bills invented a Japanese football player, but even a fruitless internet search might leave them with more questions.
No idea is too outlandish. And that’s not to solicit suggestions just so others can giggle at them. This is the time for ridiculous proposals if anyone came up with a plan to turn coffee grounds into plutonium during lockdown.
But there must be a hell of a bargain. A suggested trade would be even battier knowing they don’t have a particular prospect in mind to justify what they’d have to send away.
Identifying any area of urgent need is even trickier than the deal itself. The Bills could have a first-round player in mind. But the question remains unchanged for any potential transaction in humanity’s history: is it worth the price?
Oh, right: that’d cost something. These dang exchanges keep us from endless accumulation. Surrender what’s owned in order to acquire what’s wanted. The goal is to come out slightly ahead.
Anyone who thinks they’ll dominate every transaction goes from the blackjack table to selling plasma.
There’s no need to elbow their way back in to find someone to throw. Buffalo isn’t precisely looking for a quarterback. The opening night is the place to find your franchise’s intended passing savior, and Josh Allen is already cast as the messiah.
Perhaps there’ll be a rush in finding a steal a few turns later. But the best way to avoid disappointment is to not get too jumpy. The worst of innumerable things about Buccaneer Brady is that it made people think you could find a quarterback instead of a special teams contributor in the sixth round.
Deep rounds are for depth, which is I think why we call them that. Unspectacular moves now lead to options in December games. Present life is about enduring woe in the hopes of life not sucking as much soon.
The Bills don’t need to rely on rookie starters. It’s tough to name any position where a new player will be starting from his first pro game. As with online dating, desperation is often confused for elation.
This feels uneasy to type, but the Bills are in position to compete for a divisional title this season. The Dolphins and Jets remain juvenile delinquents. Meanwhile, exhausted fans could finally see Satan call in his deal with his favorite club. It would take one spectacular rookie to make it worth dealing away what they have in place.
Having an empty night beats what it would cost to have a turn. Watch with detached semi-interest. Cheer for busts with sadistic glee. A bad draft for others is like seeing people with ruined lives embarrass themselves on Jerry Springer and feeling relief that someone’s life is way more chaotic.
Feeling better by comparison to those in worse shape is especially prevalent in sports. Can someone else be unfortunate for a change? The Bills seem to be calmly moving away from serving as a bad example.
Editor’s babble: Vintage Bialy, lol. I can only be in awe of the connections his brain makes. You can also find Anthony on Twitter @AnthonyBialy. Thanks for the giggles. We can all use them these days :) Sending lots of love your way from Wyoming.