Getting Stuffed with the Buffalo Bills

Photo from gamblingsites.org.

The only easy day was yesterday, according to the Navy SEALs motto. Those are the guys who put bin Laden in carbonite, so they speak truth. The Buffalo Bills should take the advice to heart during Salute to Service time.

No team should apologize just because they happen to be in football’s worst conference. But there won’t be a smoother first 11 games in football ever again, so I hope everyone enjoyed the extensive tutorial.

Santa may actually bring an iPhone that doesn’t have a button. The wish seemed unfulfilled for awhile. Withstanding that sketchy early part where the Bills settle for placekicks instead of end zone trips has become as much of a tradition as cheering for whoever plays the Patriots.

Cole Beasley was as tired of field goals as you were. Our favorite elf scrounged up the most desired present just when you thought you’d get a BlackBerry.

Like George Wendt as Norm, it’s gratifying to see someone in the role he was meant to play. Sunday’s defining touchdown came on exactly the sort of cut inside that Siri would show you if you asked for a prototypical Beasley play, presuming she didn’t hear “cold beetles.” Players should be motivated no matter what, but if we anticipate anyone having a big game tomorrow it might be someone with harder feelings toward Dallas than Sabres fans.

Don’t forget John Brown like the Broncos did. He even scores during games where plays as quietly as he is.

Photo of WR John Brown from buffalonews.com.

Adding a five-yard grab on top of his touchdown shows he’s the rare free agent who’s better than advertised. We knew he’d be a deep threat. But it’s the in-between part that’s impressed. Smokey’s methodical approach to life and football have made him indispensable to an offense that needed exactly what he provides.

It’s nice to know the Bills have other running backs than Josh Allen. Frank Gore’s first attempt came during the year yards were invented. Now, he’s accumulated more of them than that other running back Oklahoma State had when Thurman Thomas was enrolled.

Turnovers are the great equalizer, as a single lapse can be exploited by a team that’s otherwise struggling like my belt in 24 hours. Bills fans spend the year’s shortest workweek wondering what Allen saw on his interception. That’s one burned pie on a day when he otherwise baked everything right.

Blessedly, Tre White evened things up by applying his goaltending skills to freezing a football. How is Denver’s season going? An opposing cornerback ran the proper route while their own receiver did not.

Photo of DE Shaq Lawson from buffalonews.com.

You’re not going to block Shaq Lawson? Okay. It should be clear that’s a curious idea after the first vicious sack. And Ed Oliver almost scored as much as Denver. For Thanksgiving, Matt Milano covers more territory than the Mayflower.

The Bills won’t be able to get away with baffling decisions now that we’ve arrived at games against what football experts call good teams. Sean McDermott mixes up the clock’s big and little hands as he assures you it’s 12:80.

The Sabres are better managed than the half’s final drive.  And unless he’s setting up a surprise snap on fourth down in enemy territory with a long Andy Kaufman-style gag, he can silence the loud count.

Pass the sweet potatoes and shut up: the Bills are on. You didn’t need a reason to not talk to family on Thanksgiving, but you have one anyway. True Buffalonians serve the year’s most bountiful dinner on TV trays.

The Cowboys get to eat at the special table in the garage.  It’s the hood of a Subaru. One of the two franchises will have have their holiday ruined without even bringing up politics.  Did you know there’s a wide disparity of opinions about the president? State your personal take to spur a fascinating discussion that concludes with thrown stuffing.

As for a roster forced to postpone the most gluttonous meal of the year, the Bills will draw up zone coverages on the bus ride to the stadium. The book report is due right after homeroom, so skim any chapters with too much dialogue.

Photo of QB Dak Prescott from youtube.com.

Thank the NFL for making them spend what’s a day off for everyone else attempting to contain Dak Prescott. I’m already mad at the Cowboys for being yet another team that couldn’t beat New England, so it’d be even more pleasing than usual to see Devin Singletary set up his receiver family.

A lack of time to prepare isn’t just for slackers. Every Thursday game is treated as a chance to just play, as the schedule forces teams to make a virtue of rather limited minutes for scheming. That’s especially true if it happens to be a week known for engorging.

By rule, I must give something to be thankful for in a column this week. How about praise for guaranteeing evenness?  The Bills will manage at least a .500 season. But this is where the challenge begins.

It’s not to be even more of an ingrate than usual, but winning the Allen Bowl means nothing without beating quarterbacks who star in commercials. I’d serve Chunky Soup for Thanksgiving if Dallas’s quarterback didn’t endorse it.

Editor’s babble: Happy Thanksgiving to one of my dearest friends in this crazy world. I’m grateful a mutual love for the Bills introduced me to Anthony a long time ago. Big thanks on this holiday to Anthony for his thought provoking and mostly hilarious contributions to our blog. You can find Anthony on Twitter @AnthonyBialy.

About Anthony Bialy

Anthony Bialy recently moved back to Buffalo from New York City and acts like he never left. He thinks "Buffalo 66" is biographical and considers it a crime against mankind that Steve Tasker is not in the Hall of Fame. He likes getting Tim Hortons on the way to get Labatt Blue. Follow him on Twitter at @AnthonyBialy.