Nobody’s achieved anything yet. I mean, some people did stuff at certain points in Earth’s history. But much post-draft discussion is based on picturing what new acquisitions will do so vividly that the fantasy infringes on actuality. Wait: they still have to play. Living within one’s imagination is much more enjoyable. Calvin roams with Hobbes because everyday tiger-less life is such a drag.
I’m here to cheerfully ruin fun and dreams for Buffalo Bills fans, as we’ve simply overdosed on bliss during this century of success. A second wild card would be greedy.
Tempering expectations is rough for a team that would throw a parade for a divisional title. Despite predictions that life is now perfected like a Star Trek-style utopia where needs are eliminated as we travel through space together wearing matching pajamas, we still have to see how free agents and draftees perform. I’m going to spend a million dollars in anticipation of lottery wins, as the numbers are bound to go my way.
Of course I’m absolutely certain new players will make the Hall of Fame enshrinee banner obsolete, although it’s already missing a name because James Lofton should be on it. But I guess rookies should participate in a few training camp practices just to confirm our wildest dreams that don’t involve Nigella Lawson cooking dinner.
The trivial matter of actually competing has kept the Bills from running out of fingers for Super Bowl rings. Not every grand scheme works well or much at all. Take adding Shaq Lawson and Reggie Ragland, which was supposed to bring Buffalo’s defense into the future. Instead, the VCR tape set aside to record their exploits still has space for highlights and a few Mystery Science Theater episodes.
We were so innocent way back in 2016 with dreams of efficient futuristic living. The gift of hindsight makes us rueful from the cynical perspective of 2019’s squalid dystopian hellhole. Half of the duo was sent to a franchise with a more appropriate defensive scheme after 3-4 devotee and professional loudmouth Rex Ryan was also shown the way out. Ragland made the under for the bet he’d play more than 0.5 downs for Buffalo.
Meanwhile, the remaining player is still emerging. Declining Lawson’s option year is a sign the Bills aren’t as convinced as they were on draft day. Of course, the same team has different employees now. Members of the regime that drafted him haven’t seemed to join new clubs, which is a coincidence as uncanny as my Saturday afternoon dehydrated headache.
Let me explain just why whatever you enjoy will disintegrate miserably before Earth is consumed by a Sun that’s bound to explode one of these days. The chance of conditions permitting sentient life to exist are so remote as to be incalculable, so expecting a football team to put it all together is asking for a bit much.
Don’t ponder how many times grand plans have actually been executed unless you only drink when you have an excuse. Everything’s gone smoothly for the Bills as often as I’ve ordered a salad at Mighty Taco. The present staff’s job is to break the wretched pattern. Of course, that was the job of the last dozen or so job-fillers, too.
The playoffs aren’t chosen by drawing ping pong balls. Human influence is what makes failure so hard, namely since it’s not fate’s fault. Previous Bills general managers had a habit of hitting on 18s while standing on 9s. The gambles may not be as shrewd as anticipated. At least last year’s suffering was for a purpose, which makes it unlike this arbitrary existence on a bleak planet in a universe that’s largely empty in many ways.
Even rosters seemingly overloaded with talent may slack off. Assemble every superhero you can find and they may still not save the kitten orphanage from the cyclone. Justice League should’ve been amazing. Yet poor scripts and lousy chemistry can sabotage what should be an easy victory for superb characters. A team with inept leadership might draft Ben Affleck, the Duke quarterback of Batmans.
Andy Dalton might not get to save playoff hopes again, so we can only rely on the limited chances of anyone participating. There’s no need to remind any twitchily impatient fan there are a mere 16 games for football warriors to affect destiny. Only playing offense or defense as one of 11 leaves few opportunities to affect games. Individual plays are a huge deal in a sport where only 287 non-kickers have competed 200 times.
Urging patience does not mean expecting the worst-case scenario to happen, although it seems to occur unnervingly often. Just be aware of the possibility that everything could turn to trash. The Bills might actually lose two or three games this season. I know that’s negative, but I just want fans to brace for the horrific possibility of a 13-win season.
Still, Buffalo seemed to have maximized chances. Brandon Beane tried adding great value by not drafting for need. Going for the best even if it doesn’t satisfy immediate needs is like pursuing the career of your dreams with the hope the money will follow. Are we rich jerks yet?
Editor’s babble: Even Anthony Bialy’s cautionary tale won’t stop me from dreaming of big things to come from the Bills this season. Setting myself up for disappointment has become a self-destructive ritual I refuse to part with until a Lombardi is hoisted in Buffalo. Thanks, as always, to Anthony for keeping it real. You can find Anthony on Twitter @AnthonyBialy.