I think I hate the Jaguars. Stumbling across a new enemy is a pleasant surprise during a season short on thrills. The 3-7 Bowl was more entertaining than it should’ve been, even if the best scoring plays featured defensive failures more than offensive proficiency. Exposing Blake Bortles to the truth shows the Buffalo Bills can get results.
An underwhelming matchup only seemed valuable for letting announcers learn exactly how low they’re ranked in the CBS hierarchy. Nobody anticipated they’d get to cover boxing between franchises that make Ohio State and Michigan look like old college chums.
Animosity is appropriate for clubs that seem to play annually. Old-time rivals Buffalo and Jacksonville have clashed 14 times this century including that one playoff game. These uncannily frequent competitors finally want to murder each other, as shown by a sideline brawl that was more entertaining than anything in each team’s seven losses.
Shaq Lawson could earn a spot on the Sabres fourth line in true One Buffalo spirit. Leonard Fournette swinging at a helmet serves as a reminder he’s a college dropout.
Personal grudges are a semi-adequate substitute when life doesn’t work out as smoothly as planned. It’s a joy to remind Doug Marrone that he never should’ve left Syracuse. Of course, his delusions of conquering the pro game with a collegiate attitude led to the Orange nabbing Dino Babers, so his dastardly turn shows things may actually work out eventually.
We didn’t even get to taunt the wasted reward for a 4-12 season. Marcell Dareus didn’t show up to play in Buffalo? Well, that’s a first.
Sometimes, monotony is better. Sunday featured segments where the offense buzzed while the defense got gashed for a change of pace. Being surprised, Jacksonville ran it incessantly is like not knowing the lady wearing pearls is getting hit by a pie in a Three Stooges short. Their strategy of hoping the other roster’s best player started punching finally paid off.
Hurry up and decide whether Josh Allen is Jim Kelly Junior or a Trent Edwards impersonator. Remember to base it on a single game, naturally. Sunday’s outing is equal to a sample size of four voters who all live in a candidate’s house. But this limited poll remains promising. Getting crunched to deliver a bomb across the field is almost as thrilling as him lugging a huge steel set across the goal line.
Watching other fanbases enjoy endless offense has made us feel deprived. Those toys can’t be that neat, we try to assure ourselves as lucky children smile wider than we ever have. Bills fans have often been stuck playing with GoBots while everyone else got Transformers from Santa. Allen reminds me of that delightful Christmas Santa thought I was finally good enough to get Soundwave.
If Allen keeps taking spirited risks with a decent payout level, we might finally get to see if it’s possible to have too much fun. Patriots fans seem burned out like they took too much ecstasy. For us, joy happens so infrequently that it’d be tough to drain our endorphins. I’d be more worried about feeling overwhelmed thanks to a low tolerance.
Deprived Mafia members hope to at least try a free sample. Allen’s play makes us want to don fake mustaches at Trader Joe’s to get another paper shot glass of granola. If a product’s good enough, customers will eventually buy in.
A lively football win is an especially nice accompaniment to the Sabres finally being good. Waiting for Buffalo’s major sports outfits to thrive simultaneously is like hoping Mighty Taco will take a quarter off if you want sour cream.
Despite a rare modest victory streak, last year’s wild card may have to sustain Western New York’s football enthusiasts through the offseason. That’s especially true considering you’d have to dial in to read this at the Bills Mafia’s AOL Hometown page on the most recent previous occasion.
Hockey partisans are enjoying a team that’s been the league’s best for long enough that I don’t think it’s a dream. The Bills settle for showing flashes of excitement while out-slugging their newest hated antagonist. Sticking with each club at respective developmental stages is part of the deal.
In one side’s case, getting wound up about a contentious encounter instead of fretting about losing for draft status will have to suffice. A dearth of experience with happiness makes those deprived appreciative. Spare a thought for those poor teams bored with double-digit wins.
Worthwhile people stick with who they love not only when the other party hurts them but especially then. Challenges bring out toughness. We have to believe circumstances will improve to keep going. On a practical level, there’s no way to enjoy benefits without drawbacks. Agony makes us grateful for happiness. Who knew all that losing would help?
Working through imperfections is the only way we can improve. Jacksonville helped us feel more human. I’ll be here for you next week, just like ads from car companies who think we’re buying their products for family members this Christmas. I’d settle for a Josh jersey. Look how much money I saved you.
Editor’s babble: Wow, what a time to be alive. Josh Allen flashing the future and the Sabres win ten in a row. As always, thanks to Anthony Bialy for keeping it real for the blog. You can find Anthony on Twitter @AnthonyBialy.