What season is this? The answer changes by the week, and not just because Western New York is having Second Summer in October. The Buffalo Bills have provoked such indifference that games feel like watching a fan watch football. I almost forgot to get excited when they pulled off the heist of the year. Most jewel thieves don’t rely on brute force, but smashing and grabbing could get the job done.
Brawl if a sabre fight feels like it should be contained to the ice. Every win in 2018 is going to seem unexpected. Besting the Titans was a byproduct of learning when it’s appropriate to throw mud clumps. A ground assault can overcome shortcomings. Know when to run, namely when your passer rating is lower than Willis McGahee’s opinion.
When does the bad part happen? I’m a Bills fan. Refs still haven’t contacted the club about an uncalled penalty on the final scoring play, so we can probably stop feeling tense by Friday. Winning means forgiving. I didn’t even feel angry about the comedic pratfall of a non-fake field goal that embodied everything mortifying about Buffalo sports.
They don’t keep track of how the touchdowns happened. Josh Allen’s Flutie-esque dash was gratifying if only because the offense remembered where the end zone is. Going off script to get it done is a crucial part of the job. Improvisation can inspire when the score is tough to play. A bit of bebop compensates for the Bon Jovi-style irksome discord of an 82-yard passing day.
The best defenders hit foes right in the memory. Marcus Mariota looked like the struggling rookie. He didn’t just suddenly forget how to play like he was Aaron Maybin getting paid. It’s nice that the Bills had an affect on the game bigger than hoping voodoo makes the opposing quarterback have sharp pains wherever the needles go.
Stealing footballs is a crime that’s close to my heart. The team effort to force turnovers inspired me to believe cooperation is possible. Now, I even think the original KISS could reunite.
Credit individuals who excelled and not just the collective so their moms can stick printouts on the fridge. Watching Shaq Lawson display effective aggression is a nice reminder that defensive ends mature more slowly than high school boys. Matt Milano plays like he’s trying to prove everyone wrong about his draft status. And Tremaine Edmunds learns each week like he’s Run Lola Run’s titular character.
The staff kindly remembered to call plays for someone who doesn’t need to learn. Unlike the offensive coordinator, Bills fans never forgot LeSean McCoy is a football wizard whose sorcery is unstoppable. The warlock on the Led Zeppelin poster should be wearing a Shady jersey.
There’s a difference between reading how to juggle chainsaws and running out of Neosporin. The actuality overcomes any preparation. We spent an entire season noting it’d be agonizing to break in a bunch of new recruits. Well, here’s the transition. We’ve just gotten to the mud wrestling part of Stripes. Are they actually improving? Pain’s not merely conceptual once the schedule starts. But this roster can now complete slightly more pushups.
Anyone who’s dealt with life is grudgingly thankful for struggles which allow us to grow as people. Now, that’s just about enough trials. This franchise has created plenty of obstacles to overcome. If the staff has been trying to create travails, then they’ve done well.
Fans are fine with whippersnapper players learning from experience as long as they don’t abuse the privilege. The Bills have made enough mistakes for analysis purposes. The previous game felt like Groundhog Day without Phil ever learning to not be a jerk, so it was nice to see they’ve been taking piano lessons.
Young teams don’t have to keep revisiting traumatic experiences. It’s not like they’re making Evil Dead 2 where the horror is even more entertaining than in the original. It’s fitting the cabin that served as the location of the horror favorite is in Tennessee: the groovy final drive took a chainsaw to the team from that state’s attempt to possess victims.
Lowering expectations is one way to make wins more pleasant. We promise to be appreciative if this team looks less atrocious than during the previous outing.
Prevailing in a slugfest doesn’t change that this remains a practice season. Yet getting carried away with optimism is our birthright. Fans who know better wonder if it’s worth hoping the division is so mediocre that the Bills could sneak to the top of it. And maybe Tom Brady will retire like Vontae Davis.
Regardless of irrational fantasies, it’s always nice to beat the cheating Titans. Bills fans who’ve coped with distress have the right to hold eternal grudges. Allen was reading Curious George books for the first time during the Music City Misdemeanor, but getting revenge on our behalf years later means he’s contributed to his employer’s legacy. If this team keeps finding ways to triumph during puberty, this growth spurt will feel much less awkward.
Editor’s babble: Biggest question this season is whether or not the Bills equipment staff stocked enough training wheels and pimple cream to get through the season. Reasonable concern. Thanks to Anthony Bialy for his contributions to our blog. You can find Anthony on Twitter @AnthonyBialy.