The Buffalo Bills are mean. Why do they make us wait through these cruel summer months to play? Sure, they can blame some league for its regular schedule. Regardless, I’m so distraught that I’m contemplating going outside. It’s the fresh air that really prompts fear.
Fans have no recourse but to forecast what will happen with perfect accuracy. The uncanny ability must be used judiciously, specifically to humiliate dissenters. Make sure to despise anyone who disagrees about which players should start.
Arguing about what is going to happen is its own sport. The difference is there’s no action. But at least there’s plenty of bombast.
Fans spend June announcing what will happen in December. They proclaim what’s to follow with astounding certainty. It’s reminiscent of someone who confidently thinks there’s no doubt a bear would defeat a bear’s weight worth of chihuahuas, or vice versa. Whoever disagrees is a stupid ghoul. That’s how we get along.
All this debating should be tricky without seeing anyone practice, much less play. Yet that won’t stop us. Naturally, a trifling thing like evidence won’t slow anyone jazzed about football beginning in a mere handful of months.
Deciding how a season will unfold based on observing minicamp clips is a superpower only granted to thousands of fans. To see if you’re one of those who lucked out, just start predicting outcomes. Don’t tweet them, as leaving a record sullies the mystique.
I’ve already decided how the season will go, so they don’t need to bother playing it. I guess it could be fun to watch, although our favorite club may not do quite as well as the undefeated all-shutout docket I’m envisioning. The news is just as good for roster members, as I’ve written most of the starting lineup into the Pro Bowl as well. That’s like a free vacation.
Football enthusiasts know more about the future than any random Terminator. Controlling time really takes the joy out of watching. Perhaps we should wait to see instead of employing the dark magic required to know exactly how many wins a team will get. But not consulting the crystal ball takes patience, which is a challenge in this age of Twitter and being able to watch any episode of The Office you’d like this moment.
Guys who haven’t been paid yet to play football are the most frustrating to soothsayers. Remember that every rookie’s performance is based entirely on augury.
Getting carried away isn’t going to help new kids excel as pros. Advice is tough to put into action with even training camp in the distance. You tell yourself to be calm, then see Josh Allen taking first-team snaps. I’m almost jealous of baseball fans being provided the distraction of playing every day.
There’s so much to discuss because there’s precisely so little we know. So, at least that’ll keep us busy. This particular version has new schemes to implement and a preponderance of new players to perform the implementation. I’m hopeful about free agents and rookies filling roles capably. Of course, I was also excited about Mike Williams dominating defensive ends for a decade, so let’s temper expectations.
The inherent drama built around a weekly schedule that takes most of the year off is perfect for theatrical backers. It’d be weird to not get lost in permutations. Pair long intervals with a game renowned for endless planning, and there are more potential outcomes than there are Sonic slush flavors.
Violence in the name of tactics is what makes this game special. Football is all about executing plays, and such implementation of order will provide relief if the dang calendar ever gets moving. Chaos makes it exciting. The chance to improvise is what makes so many of us wrong. A pleasant surprise may seem historically unlikely, but so did a January game.
There’s a unique mystery whose solution we get to watch unfold this year. Sean McDermott’s second season features more apprehension than his first. First, he’s working with a new offensive coordinator, which is a novelty that’s hopefully exciting this once.
Questions about a new offense are paired with a defense that has more employee turnover than that Taco Bell next to the marijuana dispensary. If nothing else, we can hope expectantly that coach learned how to manage games more efficiently through experience. If not, be ready to shout helpful advice from the stands or couch.
Drunkenness resulting from modest success is sure to make minds clearer. Fans are spoiled by the optimism of one ‘consecutive’ playoff season. We’ve seen a few of coach’s tendencies, which makes us experts. Like knowing Jim Norton’s going to tell a joke about something appalling he did with a companion, the future is easy to presage. Getting it wrong makes life exciting.
Editor’s babble: Getting through June/Jul as a fan of NFL football is challenging for those of us eagerly awaiting the chance to see how our beloved Bills will fare this season. This long quiet period is made easier by the giggles Anthony Bialy provides by his contributions to our blog. You can find Anthony on Twitter @AnthonyBialy.