Oh, right: there’s that other first-rounder. The new vigorous linebacker’s existence happily springs to mind like remembering there are dipping sticks left after the pizza’s gone. Tremaine Edmunds is here to assure you that at least half of the top two picks will be positioned to cover lots of territory this year.
Sure, he went second and is unlikely to attempt a pass. But the youngster could have the biggest impact of any rookie, and not just on the Buffalo Bills. I hope he doesn’t mind the pressure, as it’s good practice.
Edmunds is here to quell moaning. Last year’s incessant complaints about linebackers not backing the line prompted management to upgrade almost as soon as possible. To be fair, the observation contained merit, even if it was sometimes expressed inelegantly with swear words aimed at the CBS broadcast. All the rookie must do is ensure it doesn’t feel like there’s a prairie located between the line and safeties anymore.
An inspirational glimpse of him at early practices is a welcoming aggravation for foes. Offensive coordinators will ideally lose sleep counting how many intimidating attributes he possesses.
Humans blessed by the genetic lottery are usually either big or fast. It seems unfair that double winner Edmunds is both, which makes it good he’s on our side. His demonstrated ability to put said abilities to use while at school should scare every offensive player not on his team.
Our job is to try to relax. Imaginations make it difficult. Fans attempt to suppress the temptation to start throwing trophies at Edmunds, as he’s trying to concentrate on the field.
It’s hard to remain calm when they obtained a guy who could enhance the defense in the same way Danny DeVito’s addition made It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia the favorite sitcom of sickos. Combine his ominous possibilities with a fortified line in front of him for delightfully dark carnage.
Josh Allen and Edmunds better like hearing their names together. They’re going to be connected like Ren and Stimpy. For now, the lightly-recruited Californian and precocious Virginian are a first-round pair both known for being wanted by a franchise that has plenty of openings. It’d be nice if two such players were linked happily for once.
Make sure to phrase the wish to the genie properly so both top picks don’t end up similarly disappointing. We could go without a fizzling double dip of a first round like in 2006 which still aches. It’s lamentable that we can’t forget underwhelming buddies Donte Whitner and John McCargo, the latter of whom is helpfully listed at Rotoworld as an unsigned free agent.
It’s not to guarantee his success, but he has a chance to stay at his current new address for plenty of years. Buffalo’s great hope for patrolling center field still can’t buy beer. Edmunds is the sort of player Jack Eichel can call Junior.
At least one draftee should be starting from his first game. Say it’s a first-round pick to be a wisenheimer. At least one of their first two additions may impress instantly if that helps. I blame the excitement about the new defender on his college game tape, which appears to show pairing of need and ability as natural as hot dogs and charcoal.
The youngest guy strives to have the most to brag about at Thanksgiving. Tremaine is hoping to be the best Edmunds of the first round. Both he and fellow early draftee Terrell race to figuratively catch Trey, the third brother who rushes for the Saints.
Unlike British royalty loafing into power, all of the siblings work to enhance their inheritance. They can credit a father who caught 148 NFL passes. Yes, football is the best family business possible. Even if they won’t adopt us, we get to enjoy the most prominent son’s attempts to convert genetic potential.
Tremaine could make his family proud by ending plays before they cross the line of scrimmage. Fans hope he becomes what Kiko Alonso was supposed to be. It’s not asking for too much to dream of a menacing ranger who excels for more than one season. For a change, the legend may not die.
The best part of adding Edmunds is that the opportunity existed. The front office’s judicious dealing allowed our new linebacker idol to join this beloved team, as the assets needed to slide up and nab him weren’t traded to get their quarterback.
Speaking of that earlier choice, Allen has created more subjective opinions than Rashomon. The Bills have much greater objective confidence their second first-rounder will take most of his side’s snaps in 2018. No matter how quarterback play unfolds, Edmunds could be quite impressive for not being the elder of the rookie class.
Editor’s babble: Thanks to Anthony Bialy for the never-ending series of giggles he provides with his weekly column. You can find Anthony on Twitter @AnthonyBialy.