Buffalo Bills Almost Impress by Getting Worse

Photo from pinterest.com.

So, that’s why I pour grain alcohol in my coffee.  This team can break the streak of every last thing going wrong any time now.  The Buffalo Bills should work on not throwing it right to their enemies.  And why stop foes with the ball when crossing the goal line does it for you?  Things are going well otherwise.  The Chargers changed quarterbacks, too, which means the game must’ve been even.

Laughing at insanity doesn’t cure it.  But there’s no other way to cope.  I ran out of negative adjectives after last week and also early this century.  An alleged pro team conceding 101 points in two games just flipped off your hopes.  Please tell us whatever the penance is for anything bad we did.  Aim to hold the Patriots under 200.

There was an interesting game in Los Angeles this weekend.  As should have happened with the Bills, nobody playing got paid.  It was infinitely more fun watching Saturday’s UCLA/USC game to see if one of those quarterbacks could break the 21st-century streak.  Anything beats your beloved pro team starting a quarterback whose passer rating was LOL.  He couldn’t have had a more unfortunate start, which is to say the Bills are back to normal.

Photo of QB Nathan Peterman from NewYorkUpstate.com.

It’s as if there are problems no matter who’s quarterback.  But he didn’t quite help. Letting a fifth-round rookie take his first snaps during midseason went even worse than feared.  The Nathan Peterman Era was quite the hour.  I know you’re allowed to mistakes on your first day, but he abused the privilege.  The trainee got demoted before the probationary period even began.

I was bracing to overreact to Peterman’s performance.  Everything still broke on impact.  If you also said the next play would be an interception as a joke and it actually happened, let’s start a support group.

Appreciate an example of why not to place faith in humans.  Anyone who tried justifying a questionable coaching decision on Wednesday felt betrayed on Sunday.  I went from wondering if the rookie would fit the system to pondering if he’s left-handed.  Sean McDermott should’ve known for sure.

It turns out there’s a downside to getting rid of the ball that quickly.  Coaches wanted us to believe this offense is like a telemarketer following a script.  You don’t need creativity if you can execute according to the plan.  But everyone they called swore while hanging up.

The debate should be which quarterback is best at handing off to Shady every play.  Instead, they just handed it to the Chargers.  It was nice when just half the team was putrid.  Last outing, they combined the worst first impression of all time with a defense that doesn’t appear familiar with tackling.

Bills fans age one year every week.  I was so naïve back around dinnertime Sunday when I fretted that teams usually win when the defense scores.  That was before I worried that a tipped pass and clobbering would’ve affected the perception of Peterman.  He ensured the reaction was fair.  The impression is to deep to be forgotten.  Initial trauma will remain even if he turns around his career. A single-digit interception pace per game would be an improvement.

Reduce worrying any way possible.  Any concerns about getting a win before persevering through the upcoming rough stretch are gone.  The Bills cancelled the stress for us.

Photo from the movie ‘Buffalo 66’ and vaguevisages.com.

The titanic letdown came just in time for the holidays.  Make sure everyone’s extra cranky at the Thanksgiving table.  Relatives look forward to arguing about how to toughen the softest of pass zones or fix a quarterback situation that makes replacing Jay Leno seem smooth.

None of the Pegula children have been traded.  Then again, the season’s not over.  Check the roster to see which anonymous new guys are disappointing you.  It’s fine to trade away players who don’t fit for various reasons.  But we’re seeing what happens when a club replaces skill with nothing.  Add different meat to the sausage grinder.  The result’s not even delicious.

Please enjoy another One Buffalo reset.  Perhaps “enjoy” is the wrong word.  Sunday’s passing switcheroo was worse than Ted Nolan being told to steer the ship over Niagara Falls before being fired because it sunk.  I’d think of more examples, but I’m despondent enough with family dinner in mind.

Photo from weknowmemes.com.

A historically abysmal debut make a poor rookie into a punchline.  Meanwhile, his predecessor and possible successor doesn’t have the tools to succeed.  Tyrod Taylor was trying to hammer with a saw.  A rolling quarterback was limited to three steps in classic franchise fashion.  Bills quarterbacks take different approaches to limiting interceptions.  Taylor refuses to take chances, while Peterman stops throwing them as soon as he’s benched.

The season’s going well when we have to remind ourselves sports are supposed to be fun.  There’s no point in a preview when reviews are this painful.  That’s what happens when you go from playoff dreamer to noncompetitive in less time than it takes for milk to go bad.

A team that tried to go left and right at the same time ended up taking 73 steps backward.  Management never decided which direction was best.  They pretended to be competitive this season while working toward the future.  Instead, the last three games violate the Eighth Amendment.  And nobody’s confident a coach who can let such a crime happen can create a bright future.  A debut that went worse than Justice League’s is sad yet unsurprising from the Aquaman of football teams.

Editor’s babble: Thanks to Anthony Bialy for helping us try to find humor in yet another series of Buffalo sports disasters. I’m just grateful he didn’t mention the Sabres. You can find Anthony on Twitter @AnthonyBialy.

About Anthony Bialy

Anthony Bialy recently moved back to Buffalo from New York City and acts like he never left. He thinks "Buffalo 66" is biographical and considers it a crime against mankind that Steve Tasker is not in the Hall of Fame. He likes getting Tim Hortons on the way to get Labatt Blue. Follow him on Twitter at @AnthonyBialy.

4 Replies to “Buffalo Bills Almost Impress by Getting Worse”

  1. Don’t get why people are bashing Justice League, it was way more entertaining than the Bills/Chargers game.

  2. Happy Turkey Day

    Right on Anthony Right On…

    I’m still shaking my head in disbelief that this is the same team that opened 5-2…

    Did a Mafia or Cartel member threaten the defensive players not to tackle or the O-line not to block. Or maybe we are in a parallel world where the team that stunk was shifted into this world…

    KC will take out all their frustrations on the Bills Sunday in what will be their 4th ass kicking loss in a row…

  3. Anthony,

    Entertaining and very relatable article. Bills fan misery brings out your best- and we have all had lots of practice at that.

    Happy Thanksgiving to miserable Bills fans everywhere!