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Buffalo Bills Get One More Reason to Loathe Tom Brady, Patriots

Do the Patriots want Matt Cassel back?  It’ll cost them.  The underhanded franchise’s incumbent quarterback will miss one-quarter of a season for illicitly altering the sport to his benefit.  Tom Brady wasn’t ruining football just by being unpleasant.  Great: now replay the games.  The Buffalo Bills have a right to be cranky like every other team who knows a smug, preening dynasty in New England was even more nefarious than it appeared.  At least we know the Bills haven’t broken the rules in 15 years or were at worst really bad at it.  There’s something to be said for decency, even if it means no untainted January football.

I believe Brady didn’t know footballs were being illegally modified in the same way I think Tony Soprano worked in waste management.  It’s nice that a divisional rival is despised by the 28 non-AFC East teams, especially since all are united in a cause greater than jealousy.  In our own group, we can appreciate a common bond with Jets and Dolphins fans.  Nerds know that even Romulans hate the Borg.

Karma seems to lag by our timeframe.  But waiting for people to get what they deserve teaches patience.  Take the insufferable brat who’s finally facing his comeuppance.  The obnoxious posture and incessant whining whenever anything didn’t go the naughty passer’s way is really helping the disgraced quarterback find defenders now.  Aside from cheating, Tom Brady seems likable.

The Patriots are glad the suspension is done so they can get back to rule-breaking.  I hope messing with the footballs doesn’t take away from their legacy, namely the videotaping scandal.  That lost fourth-round pick in 2017 will really teach them to behave.  At least they’ll have to wait until Friday during the next draft to add a new equipment manager.

Doc Brown is sadly not taking over as NFL commissioner and going back in time to start over the tainted contests.  The rather unpatriotic crimes against America’s favorite sport are irreversible.  The upcoming punishment doesn’t change how they got away with it.  We’re not even talking about 1998’s theft.

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady warms up before an NFL football game against the Baltimore Ravens, Sunday, Dec. 22, 2013, in Baltimore. (AP Photo/Gail Burton) ORG XMIT: OTK

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady warms up before an NFL football game against the Baltimore Ravens, Sunday, Dec. 22, 2013, in Baltimore. (AP Photo/Gail Burton) ORG XMIT: OTK

Even the unexercised option of vacating championships wouldn’t change how Foxboro’s finest doctored their way to victories.  Just like the felonious Tennessee Titans and all-time jerk Brett Hull can pretend they won legitimately, the record will still list them as winners even though everyone knows the movie ended with them sweeping the leg.  Profiting from lawlessness is not supposed to be in the script.

The winning hands are irrelevant once someone’s marked the cards.  New England still may have won games and titles even if they didn’t mess with the game’s titular object.  But that’s not the point.  Richard Nixon would’ve triumphed in 1972 with or without the Watergate burglary.  Pathologically shady behavior is a detriment to the process regardless of its contribution to the score.

At least we know the Patriots won’t be any less arrogant.  Brace for the same charming personality from the NFL’s most modest franchise.  Sure, they’ll still cockily boast about their accomplishments while ignoring how they affected the game’s integrity.  But it’ll all be in good fun.  Let’s see if they can maintain obliviousness in the face of historical malfeasance.  Some of their levelheaded fans are off to a fine start with coping.

Boston’s sports hero lied with every snap.  Distorting competition’s purity turns a game into professional wrestling where only one side has a script.  The eternally pleasant Brady engaged in behavior resembling that of ultimate lowlife Pete Rose: their different crimes share the trait of harming the sports.  We can’t know the results were authentic, much like those involving his fellow Junípero Serra High School graduate Barry Bonds.  I hope Pro Football Hall of Fame voters consider the swindler’s impact on the game five years after he decides to spend more time smirking with his family.

Life is unfair.  Dastards get away with misdeeds all the time, and even punishment can’t change crimes that have occurred.  A bank robber may have spent what he took before he’s caught.  But knowing injustice remains doesn’t mean we quit.  Taking out frustration on a cheat is the best way to move forward.  The September 20 matchup with the Patriots was already too far away.

Buffalo’s shameless rival will live down modifying game equipment for illicit advantage in approximately one billion years.  Mock them getting exposed for who they are until kickoff, then keep going.  Even presuming the league doesn’t chicken out and remove the suspension on appeal, New England owns tarnished Lombardi trophies.  The rust will remain no matter how much the ballboy polishes them.  If the Bills are angry about that, they can do the NFL a favor and reorder the division.


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Anthony Bialy

About Anthony Bialy

Anthony Bialy lives in New York City and acts like he's still in Buffalo. He thinks "Buffalo 66" is biographical and considers it a crime against mankind that Steve Tasker is not in the Hall of Fame. He knows every bodega in Manhattan which sells Labatt Blue. Follow him on Twitter at @AnthonyBialy.

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